Chubby Chick Goes Dating
*CW ~ mentions the words 'sex' and 'fetish'*
Let’s face it – dating is hard enough these days, even without the current pandemic situation on our hands!
Apps ranging from hook ups to serious dating have multiplied by the hundreds, and I don’t know about you but I’m starting to have that feeling of déjà vu when filling out a new App profile. Yes, I’m totally guilty of deleting it the minute I find someone I like enough, only to download it again after things go south. There is also nothing wrong with that, but sometimes I wish a movie- like meet cute were possible...!
Being plus sized on these apps can be really intimidating. Since I’ve started to love myself more, I’ve started to up my game with my selfies, outfits and hair and makeup. However, that’s only because *I* want to. My pic gallery is a carefully put together fashion show. And yet, sometimes I still wonder if I’m only doing it because that’s
what society dictates. The media will make you doubt yourself. I have to remind myself that I’m doing it because I enjoy it, and that’s it!
As a plus sized woman, I always felt like I should wear dark, shapeless clothes. Blousy tops, to hide my size. Cold shoulder / cut out tops, because that is surely the only acceptable bit of flesh we can show off – I say screw that, you want to wear a cute crop top and pop that in your Tinder pics? Do it. Life’s too short!
My usual go – to system these days is to post my poised selfies but also pop in a photo of me with no makeup on, as that’s how I look the majority of the time. There seems to be an unspoken rule that bigger women must try harder, and really – I hate that trope. Every single person on this earth is different, and let me tell you, us chubby chicks are ALL someone’s cup of tea.
I’ve been on and off dating apps for the past five or six years, and not much has changed. I’ve actually met some awesome people, had relationships, and made really good friends, but I’ve also met some downright disrespectful people.
Being a curvy girl on a regular dating app is definitely a double edged sword. The sheer amount of people who see me as just a fetish, one to tick off the list, as a walking pair of boobs, is ridiculous. Navigating these waters can be pretty choppy – for instance, I once spoke to a guy for weeks – we got to know each other very well and he asked me to visit, but could I please come when his housemates were out of town, since he was too embarrassed to tell them he was dating a fat girl. He was scared they would make fun of him. Obviously, things never went any further, but had I been younger, I might’ve hid myself and gone along with it.
Who on earth wants to be someone’s dirty little secret, just because of their size? Not me, and I decided to up my standards even more. I’ve been told I’m ‘too picky’, but why should I settle? My size isn’t related to the fact that I still deserve happiness, love, or sex. And neither is yours!
Growing up with diet culture all around and the skinny models of the noughties meant that I had to re-learn a whole bunch of stuff by myself when it came to dating. It’s taken a while, but I reckon I’ve got it sussed... at least for now!
If you’re a plus sized woman, trying to date can be overwhelming. But the truth is, you don’t have to love yourself before someone else can love you. Yeah, it’s nice, but it is totally possible to still be figuring yourself out while you date. The one thing I would say is this – respect yourself. Up your standards, doll up if you like to; post whatever you want as your profile pics. Wear whatever you want – confidence in yourself, even a little bit, shines through. That’s attractive. (and that also applies to guys!)
The right person will love you regardless, they’ll realise that no, you don’t look the same with a full face of makeup and without. They’ll love your body whether you do or not – they’ll even love the bits that you hate the most. Finding them can seem daunting, and at the time of writing this, I’m still single (two dates in but it still counts for now!) – But last year I did find love. And it’ll happen again, and one of them will be right. And if not, then I’m happy living my life without those boys who are embarrassed to be seen with me, but will boink me behind closed doors.
We don’t deserve to be just a secret fetish. We are soft, beautiful; our bodies do so much for us. It took me a long time to fully get on board with my shape/size, and I do still have some days where I struggle, but I no longer look at myself in the mirror with disgust. I look with love. I value myself, and now it comes across when I speak to new people. There is much more to me than my size.
And you know what? I’m getting more matches and messages at age 27 than I ever did at age 23/24 etc. More compliments, more choice. The only thing
that changed is that I started learning to love myself in my current body. My boobs aren’t as perky, I’m chubbier now, but I also feel sexier and a lot freer.
Wherever you are in terms of loving yourself, you still deserve to be happy. Don’t settle for less!