‘Mixed weight relationships’
I’m sure you’ve seen/heard this phrase being bandied about in the media, online, lots of places the past few years. It’s a label that I’ve really started to hate. An unnecessary descriptor meant to alienate plus sized people and their partners.
One search online and you’ll be greeted with questionable search results, and the search suggestions are even worse. ‘what is the ideal weight difference between couples’, ‘does weight matter in a relationship’ – questions that don’t really have an answer. Only an opinion given by god knows who – something that is not fact. Google also tells me that people also searched for ‘dating fat person’ (as if we need a special rule book) ‘wife heavier than husband’ and ‘annoying things fat people do’.
‘Mixed weight’ relationships are looked upon as unnatural, mostly because of the disbelief that anyone conventionally attractive could fall in love with someone overweight. Well let me tell you – that’s totally bogus.
Obviously I’m going to focus on being the plus sized woman in the situation here, but this goes both ways. It irritates me that we must give this sort of relationship a label, separate it from ‘normal’ couples – when in fact, if I have a boyfriend – I am simply in a relationship.
As a plus sized woman, it can be hard to deal with any self-doubt, self consciousness or anxiety when you’re dating. The last thing we need is to worry about being put in a category, having articles written about us simply because of our weight, and the fitness of our partners. If someone with a six – pack likes me, there must be something wrong with him, right? Or maybe I’m easy. Or maybe I’m doing wife shit for him and he’s talking to other women on the side. There must be a reason, because it can’t just be that we are two people who happen to like each other.
There also seems to be an attitude that the Fit Partner must be brave, so kind, for being with the Fat Partner; they must have such a big heart. Society and the media have made us shallow. Everything is about looks – it must be so terribly shocking to see a thin person together with a fat person. The media scrambles for answers, journalists jump on the bandwagon, writing inflammatory articles made to bring ‘mixed weight’ couples into the spotlight, as though they’ve never existed before.
The thing is, and here’s the secret – you love who you love. That is it. There’s no need to explore it, break it down into tiny pieces and make plus sized people feel undeserving of their partners just because society has told us that it’s ‘wrong’. No one is brave for dating you if you’re plus sized. Love doesn’t discriminate.
We are the ones who have made this a ‘thing’, and what for? Why is it anyone else’s business? That ‘secret’ above – you love who you love – It’s not such a big secret. In reality, we all know that. The only reason I can think of to start labelling these relationships as ‘mixed weight’ is the shock factor/ gossip factor. It takes away all the humanity of the dynamic and makes everything based solely on the ‘weight issue’, which is utter bollocks, really.
There are a million things to love about a person. Their laugh, their eyes, how they pull a face when they see something they don’t like. The things they do for you, how they react when you surprise them, the silly advert on the TV that makes then laugh/cry. Are we really so obsessed with weight that we have to judge others for their choice in partner?
I don’t think that we are. I think that if most people examined why they feel weird about seeing a fit guy with a chubby girl, and vice versa, it comes down to their own insecurities. It’s not actually anything to do with the couple – it’s a misplaced reaction, based on society’s ‘ideals’ and decades of media manipulation.
At the end of the day, it’s about that spark between two people, and their mutual respect. That is why it’s nothing to do with anyone else, and why we definitely don’t need a label.
I’ve dated people of all shapes and sizes, and I genuinely believe every body is beautiful. Every body is deserving of love. You’ve got a little love handle? Great, I think it’s cute. You’ve got stretch marks on your thighs? Hey, we match! Chubby cheeks? Let me squeeze ‘em!
Humans are beautiful. It just makes me so sad that we have to put such a negative label on this type of relationship. The term ‘mixed weight’ disregards the relationship part and centres the weight part – inherently making the larger person ‘at fault’ or the ‘bad one’ in the relationship, when we should just be celebrating love.
Screw that label. Celebrate yourself, your partner, your love. That is what counts!
D x